xx1395xx. Curiosity.


            Krótka wprawka do pisania. Enjoy. [jak jakieś błędy się rzucają w oczy to proszę o korektę; jestem chora i średnio mi idzie myślenie.]
-         You wanted to ask me some question, right? – she sat on the sofa with poise and smile, but her eyes were more similar to steel than to ocean, not like I remembered, she wasn’t with him, that’s the answer. She let her hand through her beautiful, curled hair and stare at me with anticipation.
-         Yeah… Last time you had blurted out something about your past, it seemed interesting.
-         Ah, everyone want to know what made me the creature I am today…
-         So, could you tell me how it all had begun?
-         It’s not a story which you can write down and sell to Hollywood to make another shitty teen drama. – I started to deny, but she didn’t let me finish. – Enough. – she raised her hand in gesture which was clearly saying “shut the fuck up” – don’t interrupt me when I’m talking, never. – her tone was polite, but the steel from eyes reached throat. – Where did I finish? – not waiting for my response – oh, yes. This story started with a cliché. – This is was a hundred percent of her, using those fancy French words, sitting on my sofa like a queen on her throne, she looked me straight into eyes, this weird connection while she was talking to me, I leaned closed to swallow words from her mouth, carefully, not to miss anything. She was poisonous, venomous, that woman was like a drug. She saw how weak I am, she seemed contented about that, a smile lit up her face for a while, kind of sarcastic one, but she stayed calm.
-         I’ve lost somebody who I loved. I’ve been an outlaw. Rebellious princess, child, to be honest. Obsessed with dreams of becoming great and powerful. I was different from the children, you know? – she asked with raised eyebrow. Of course I knew, she was younger than me, a lot, yet she was intelligent, beautiful, mature, very mature I should say, wise, her knowledge surprised and overwhelmed me, in positive way though. Just nodded my head. – I’ve chosen companion of people older than me, I felt all grown-up by the age of 13. Oh, poor, stupid child. – she laughed, but it was bitter and cynical laugh that I’ve never heard before. Me and my Napoleon complex. Always try to be better, less than 100% is bad, I had to show everybody that I’m perfect, I wanted to be perfect. Now I’m just wondering did anyone thought, just for a while, that I’m perfect… Flawless. I’ve chosen the path to be lonely, all in the name of being holy. To look down from the top of world, on people who would never be as good as me… Yet, I still was weak – she’s disgusted just by recall of her old persona existing only in her mind – but I made it –she closes eyes – I am the fucking best. – still with closed eyes, she gathers strength, I can see that easily – I made it. – she claims with opened eyes. Silence. She stares blankly above my head.
-         But… How?
-         Would you describe me as a strong personality? – just nodding my head – do you think that I was strong for all my life? – moment of thinking, nodded my head again – No. I wasn’t, I still wouldn’t call myself strong. – I’m shocked. – But I have my pride. Finally restored. After months of crazy affairs with all of the wrong type of people, addictions, psychosis, I was a walking paradox. Phenomenon of art of surviving. I learned how to hurt people. At first it felt bad, but then I just learned how to enjoy the taste of being invincible, of knowing everything before others. That is how I raised from the ashes, you can call me phoenix. Instead of being plain good, boring and ordinary I’ve chosen to be very best, ideal princess with stone heart. But do you know, diamond is a stone. My heart is made of diamond, black diamond to be exact. It’s clear, beautiful, expensive and cold, but fragile.– she laughs, sarcastically, but it seems like she’s really delighted by her own joke. – You know who lives there, don’t you? – Another nodding by me, it’s so uncomfortable to be under her control. – I’m a maniac, if there wouldn’t be somebody who I love as much as him I would destroy world and then myself. I’m burning out, like a candle. But don’t you agree that this is a very pleasing spectacle? – I don’t know what to say. She stares at her gold watch – opens eyes widely and say – Excuse moi, I’ll be late. Hope that I’ve satisfied your curiosity…
-         Partly, there are some things that I’d like to ask… - She didn’t let me finish again. She treated me like a little boy.
-         Remember what killed the cat, honey.

Touché, my princess.

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